awaken...

the final hours are here

another year is coming to a close

since i woke this morning...the minutes have been rapidly diminishing coinciding with the same fleeting emotions i carried throughout 2014

it has felt like one of the longest yet quickest of years thus far

today...i paused...many times actually...reflecting upon the days that were and curiously wondering what the days of new will become

i have thought a great deal about my little word 

{i had to go back to last January as i could not quite remember how i stumbled upon my word for the year} and as i read...my post...my word unexpectedly chosen

AWAKEN

took on a whole new meaning than what i originally thought or per say planned it to mean

i was anxious on many accounts to get back to how we once were...to continue with a certain momentum that i had always attained...i wanted to dive head first...submerging and pushing myself in and with new endeavors...

i had grand plans

non.of.which.came.to.be

AWAKEN

came to me in a realization that things will never be as they were...life changes...people change...through the hard ships of  living...the rigorous rowing and treading through stormy waters...through the sweet sailing days...growth is occurring...we are constantly evolving even if we can not see it on the forefront

AWAKEN

came to me is recognizing that what once was and what is now...was and is apart of  my story...there has yet to be discovered a way to turn back the clocks of time...so instead of recreating and striving for the past...i could and can only move forward creating my now

AWAKEN

came to me when looking back...in simple subtle ways...nurturing ways...calming ways

AWAKEN

was not just about me but those that are in my life...the need to be present...nothing more...nothing less...just wholeheartedly present in their day to day

AWAKEN

was about realizing the need for myself to be...to simmering in my thoughts...to withdraw into my own silence...for acknowledging the truth behind what had all been

AWAKEN

it may not have been a boisterous year

but it was a year

a year in which

AWAKEN

slowly crept in and became a touchstone in my spirit and soul 

Buddha once said:

"there is only one time when it is essential to awaken...the time is now"

 

may 2015

be a blessed one

for each of you

 

awaken~

on the first of january

i came upon my word for the year

in a different manner than i usually do

i chose to draw one oracle card 

allowing 2014 to be completely free from my own will and desires

and i do have to say i was quite pleased with the card that unfolded

a·wak·en

əˈwākən/

verb

rouse from sleep; cause to stop sleeping

and so shall it be

my

* word *

that will accompany me 

through the next three hundred and sixty sum odd days

in the years prior i always seemed to chose healing words 

and now it is time to entertain and embrace a new kind of feel

2013 i tip toed around and then fell into a bit of a slumber..occasionally i'd dangle my feet in the waters...gently touching the streams...but nothing more than paltry splashes here and there...this year...i want to submerge myself...i want to jump in and swim through the untouched waters and set sail on new adventures and endeavors

and all those wild dreams that have been laying dormant shall manifest

heres to

AWAKENING

my spirit and muse

" I am alive. I am awake. I am that I am."

13...thirty~two with many more weeks in between~

our seemingly endless summers days 

came quickly to a close

please pardon the lengthiness of such

13...THIRTY~TWO

preparing

bracing ourselves for what was coming

hearing the news

a dr. coming through

mistakes

missing the known

enduring on everyones behalf

change

accommodating

pain

sorrow

believing in the final

hoping for a cure

 Gilda Radner Once Said:

"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." 

warmth from the summers sun

brought forth a sense of autumn  

13...THIRTY~THREE

remembering our littles

giving

taking time

togetherness

 a moment of space

a family as is

playfulness

escaping our minds

warmth within the day

surrounded by picnics

rustling

stirring

yet settled

 Plato Once Said: 

"Life must be lived as play." 

the wait is over

13...THIRTY~FOUR

the time is now

a start

a beginning

anxiety flourishing

curiosity at ease

a first step for one father

his path unknown

strength from within

grasping onto what has been told

gripping faith

holding hope

believing the storm will pass 

rising above fear itself

 Someone Once Said: 

"The scariest moment is always before you start." 

september rolls in

the wheel begins to take its turn

13...THIRTY~FIVE

slowly sinking into a routine

everything we thought

no longer is

continually chaos

accepting

lack their of not even knowing

or attempting to understand

remembering there is a far greater plan

clutching the minutes

exhaustion setting in

rain is falling

clouds roll way

a new path unfolds

 Buddha Once Said: 

"No one can saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." 

the days are passing by with such a blurriness

yet a dragging slowness  

we all feel the pull

13...THIRTY~SIX

pondering the thought of needing to be cloned

possibility of six more of me

one for a wife

one for a mother

one for a teacher

two for care giving  

one for a daughter

one for a friend

arms feel as if they are being pulled  a hundred different direction

seeking and searching

 stumbling upon an old wooden fence

space granted to breath

bestowing a sense of peace

 Sir Thomas Browne Once Said: 

 "We carry with us the wonders we seek without us."

trying times have begun

in our lives

13...THIRTY~SEVEN

unfortunate events

cancers treatments kicking in

one father struggling with strength

longing for it to all be done

knowing when to walk away

leaving yet standing for one minute more

pondering the final hours of the day

the dance of living 

we are all learning

the balancing act

or caring for all

and remembering me

myself along the way

 Joseph Smith Once Said: 

"If you live up to your privileges, the angels can not be restrained from being your associates."

hitting the half way mark

hoping with everything in me

the rest is a down hill walk

13...THIRTY~EIGHT

stumbling upon an old dear friend

an extra hand presented without even knowing i needed such

pondering the mysteries and magic of life

one sisters cancer treatment completed

a scan presented

fingers and toes crossed  

that her journey comes to a close

one father hits a half way mark

his health rose once more

the wheel has turned

storms came way

rains broke through

wisdom keeps dripping in

 Someone Once Said:

"Believe you can and your halfway there." 

sorry for the novel above

but for me

i feel complete once more

with dinner comes paint...

one wee little: mama

me: ya

one wee little: you know what

me: what

one wee little: it feels like a painting kind of day

me: does it now

one wee little: yep, what do you say

me: well, i guess painting it will be

me: but first can i finish making dinner and then we can paint

one wee little: can't you do both

me: well i guess i can

one wee little walks over to the fridge and grabs himself a huge handful of cranberries

me: what are you going to do with those, might i ask

one wee little: {looking at me as if i had no brain} paint mama, i'm gonna paint

me: oh, i see...what colors would you like

one wee little: how's about green, gold, you know, the shiny kind and black

me: green, black and the shiny kind of gold, huh?

one wee little: yep, oh and mama, can i have a a piece of the carrot your cutting?

me: a piece of carrot...for eating or painting

one wee little: painting, remember we're painting

one wee little: oh and i need a piece of that celery too

me: one piece of celery and carrot coming up

one wee little: thanks mama

me: no problem

i sat for a moment and watched the creator at hand

fascinated always i am 

to watch my wee little at work

one wee little: look mama...abstract

me: lookin good buddy, lookin good

though i thought to myself...it was turning out quite cute at first

but tis not my process

nor my art

one wee little: mama...aren't you going to paint

me: well dinner is done, so i most definitely can

one lesson this wee little has given me

is...it's not  so much about the finished piece 

as it is the process

it is within those moments

that teaches us to be impertinent  

just as a child

their mind allotting the freedom to play

one wee little: are you painting the sky

me: honestly buddy, i am not quite sure...but i  guess the sky it could be

one wee little: could you imagine a gold filled sky

me: wouldn't that be a dream

one wee little: you are painting trees...will you teach me how to paint a tree like that

me: most definitely so

so on this day

i say awaken your mind

rekindle with the child of what once was 

seek it out

go knockin on it's door

dust off the cobwebs that have collect over time

shake off the fears that came to be

restrained by an adult like mind 

hold no reservations

have no hesitation

don't waste away time

forgetting what it means to play

as my littles forever are teaching me

life is  found in the process of doing

not in the finished piece